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I know that it’s normal for every person to ask something that he or she doesn’t have, elders says that we should be thankful of what we have, count your blessings not the thing you don’t have. However, what if I can make a choice, I can give up what I have right now and choose the one that I want to have.

I’m a computer science student before, after I finished a semester, I realized that this is not my field, so I decided to take Mass Communication. I really love my course, even though it’s only my first semester in this course, I really love the feeling of you studying in a University with competent academic curriculum, studying to the subjects that you really like, listening to your professors whom you know in the future might become your own mentor. First semester is just having the very basic subjects before you proceed to your major subjects, but form that moment, I know and I believe that I will really excel in this course. This is the feeling that inspires me to study, the feeling that everyday in your life, there’s something that’s filling your mind, the knowledge to your brain, the encouragement to yourself, and a much-visualized outlook in life. That feeling made even better because of the people around you, their support and understanding. I can really feel that I’m not different than any other 18-year old boy out there, because I’m there studying the course I love, he reading the books I like, doing my assignments I’m so excited to accomplish. The emptiness in me without having a father was taken away. Although, sometimes financial issues may occur while I’m studying, it won’t affect me, because I’m able to manage and I must say that during those times, I am fulfilled.

First semester ended, me and my classmates should part ways for a while, our sem-break. But this “for a while” took so long for me, second semester started and I’m not there, my classmates kept on saying that “You still have a week to enroll yourself, you should choose our section so that we’ll be together again, we’ll be sad if you’re not here.” That week ended and I’m still not there. Bit by bit, I’m encouraging myself that it’s okay to skip one semester, there will always be “next semester” to continue.

This skipping a semester or skipping school affected me; I can’t say it hot it affected me either negatively or positively. I’m having dreams every night that I’m there at school holding my books while walking on the campus, Professors calling my name to recite because I’m raising my hand to answer. These dreams are always here in my mind every time I close my eyes, I’m so sorrowful of being not in school anymore and I just can’t explain this feeling how I’m so furious to go back to school again. Actually, I kept on praying to the Lord that if win the lottery, I will enroll myself and pay the whole 4-year course in cash just to make sure that I won’t ever skip school anymore. However, this prayer is a fool’s prayer, because I’m not even playing the lottery anyways, so there’s no chance at all.

I’m trying to accept my situation, our situation as a family and I understand that financial problem is not only within my family; every family is having this kind of problem. I don’t know if it’s being insecure or envious to compare myself to other teens like my age that are there, studying and I don’t know if I’m only trying to be the same as they are even if it’s not possible? Well, I don’t have the answers, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to know the answers.

While my classmates are in classrooms during the 2nd semester, I am here in the office speaking to Americans, what’s my job?, A call center agent. Of course, I am so thankful to the Lord that he had given me the ability and knowledge to compete with other people who are more equipped than me, and with this knowledge and strength, I got a job, this is my first ever job. Other people said that I’m so fortunate to get hired because there are others there that are degree holders already but unfortunately until now doesn’t have any job at all. Well, I can’t say anything at all.

I admit that when I knew that I’m not going to be enrolled anymore, I decided that I should look for a job, and of course it’s already granted. Months passed and not it’s May, I just got regularized. And a few days from now, it will be the month of June, starts of classes, and another year for my former classmates. And me, I’m nowhere, there’s no development in me during those past six months, of course I’m earning anyways, but it’s not just about having money, it’s about something you have which in the future you may use as one of your tools to compete to the real world where you want to be. Everyday, or I must say ever night, I wake up, get dressed, head off for work, when payday comes, you withdraw your salary and that’s it. I do sound complaining ‘bout my job, don’t I? Well, I’m sorry Lord, if I am. But you know, we still as for more. I’m thankful that I have a job, however, this is not the life that I’m longing for. If I can make a choice, I would definitely choose school than work. If people would say, “Alright, you’re in school but what if you don’t have the money to support your studies?” I must say, “Does that responsibility lies in me?” Of course not, and this is the reason why it is so frustrating because it’s not my responsibility to send myself to school, but apparently its now my responsibility. I’m trying to accept it, but once I accept it, how long should I take it, it would take so long, my salary is not enough to send me to school, and I don’t think that I can be in a stressful job and be in school at the same time. I understand that there’s no one in our family that could help me, and I know our financial situation at the moment. It’s just really disappointing that at my age, I should not be doing this.

I hope that Lord won’t get angry with me, I know He understands me, and I hope that He’ll help me realize what should I do. Prayer, this is the only thing that keeps me strong, together with faith, and He will give what we ask for at the right time. I know that the Lord has plans for me, for us. However, they said that when you pray you should take action also, and this is the thing that I don’t know yet. “What action should I take, how will I?”


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