When You Turn Back Time and Reminisce

It's been over four years since I've been to that place. A place where I had been walking past midnight, facing the dangers of the road might give me. When I'm at the jeepney, I noticed that the place was familiar, a really sad familiar place. I tried to take away my attention on the place, I keep telling myself, "don't look back, I'ts past, don't dare look back." But eventhough I'm telling that to myself, It seems that infront of me the whole place is still there, the that vehicle stopped right infront of that very place, I, watching myself walking alone, and even that was around 4pm, it looks like that it was 12mn.
I also tried not to let those scenes sink into my mind once again, but I can't help it. Those memories automatically sinked into my mind, it's like a flashback of really, really sorrowful scenes of my life. I can't deny there's still a bit of hurt in my heart. I also tried not to cry, but there are tears in my eyes that are about to drop, of course I wiped it right away so that the other passengers might not see me that I shed a tear. Good thing I'm wearing my shades.


That was when I'm visiting my dad when he was confined in the Hospital(UST) for about 2 or 3 months. Since I was studying here at Marikina City the whole day, I would go there late at night. When I'm at the jeepney, I can feel the cold wind around my body, wishing that it will take away all the bad situations that we had that time, hoping that everytime the wind hits my face, it would wipe the illness of my dad, so that he would not need to undergo any major operations anymore, that his colon cancer will be gone in an instant.

While I'm walking, on my way to the hospital, I know that Jesus is watching me, walking alone with the moon above me giving me the only light on those darkest nights of my whole life. He(Jesus) hears me, I'm praying that everytime I enter my Dad's room, the nurse or the Doctor will tell me that there's a good improvement 'bout my dad's resistance, hoping that everytime I see him, I know in his heart, deep down that He has the will to survive.
But, there's none, Everytime I see him lying on his bed, he tries to give me a smile, trying to show that his still a bit happy that He's alive. However it feels opposite to me, eventhough his smiling, that smile was a cry for me. A cry of giving up, a cry letting go.
Of course, I know that he wants to show us that his still strong and really holding on, so that we will still keep our faith that he'll survive.

Past is really past, it's what we call now a history. Our past of course really gives us a lot of memories, the good and the best memories surpasses that bad.
Sometimes, we would like not to think of our past and just move on. But one thing is real. We cannot erase the past, we can't take that away from our memories, good, bad, crazy, awful memories will still be there. We can learn from our past.

Looking back in the past, we can see our mistakes of yesterday and of course, will not commit the same mistakes today and make the best out of life tomorrow. As simple as, correcting the mistakes of yesterday.




:: NJayMaldito 082008 ::
www.njaymaldito.multiply.com